When Traditional Screen Time Rules Don't Work
A guide for parents of PDA, autistic, and neurodivergent children who love Roblox.
The thing we constantly tell ourselves: it's okay if things have to remain malleable. It doesn't mean we're bad parents. We can set the truest intentions to limit screen time—but sometimes, when his anxiety is at the brink, it's best for the family as a whole to let him "break the rules."
In general, even looking at it like "rules" is probably counterproductive.
I'm Peter. One of my sons has PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance). This is what I wish someone had told us when we started this journey.
What is PDA?
Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is a profile on the autism spectrum characterized by an extreme need to avoid everyday demands and expectations. It's not defiance or "bad behavior" - it's a neurological difference in how the brain processes perceived demands.
What Doesn't Work
- • Strict rules and consequences
- • "Timer goes off, game ends"
- • Reward charts for compliance
- • "Because I said so"
- • Taking away the device as punishment
What Often Helps
- • Choices and autonomy
- • Collaborative problem-solving
- • Flexibility within boundaries
- • Indirect communication
- • Controlling environment, not behavior
Why Gaming Hits Different for Neurodivergent Kids
Before diving into strategies, it helps to understand why your child might be so intensely attached to Roblox. This isn't "addiction" - it's often meeting real neurological needs.
Games have clear rules. The world behaves consistently. For a child overwhelmed by unpredictable real-world demands, this is deeply regulating.
Our son can have social interactions with cousins and friends on Roblox that just aren't possible in person—because he doesn't read social cues well, invades personal space, and doesn't understand typical social protocols. Roblox removes those barriers.
Many autistic children have intense interests. Roblox's variety means they can always find games matching their current passion.
Gaming can be a legitimate coping mechanism - a way to decompress after a demanding school day or regulate sensory overload.
The Invisible Disability Challenge
From the outside, our son looks like a perfectly normal child. But inside, he has incredible challenges—similar to ones that other disabled children have. Society views him as "normal" because that's how he looks from the outside. But that's not how he is on the inside.
This is one of the most complex and frustrating issues—for him and for us. He can have an IQ that's off the charts, intellectually 3 years ahead. But socially, he's 3-4 years behind. Not in every way, but in ways enough to make things very difficult.
He can't get through a park session without getting into issues with other children or parents. It's extraordinarily stressful—for him and for us. People don't understand him.
With some disabled children, visual appearance gives strangers cues to evoke empathy. That doesn't happen in our case. And that, in itself, is difficult for us even to this day.
We can do the best we can, but sometimes you forget—because half the time he's this brilliant, wonderful child. In the moment, you forget. And it's so hard.
The Mindset Shift That Changed Everything
When you can't always control how much, focus on controlling what.
This was our breakthrough. We stopped fighting battles we couldn't win (strict time limits that triggered meltdowns) and started winning battles we could (making the time they DO spend safer and better).
Instead of:
- "You can only play 1 hour today"
- "When the timer goes off, you're done"
- "No Roblox until you..."
We focus on:
- Chat is completely disabled
- Only age-appropriate content accessible
- No payment method = no surprise purchases
Practical Strategies That Actually Work
If your child is going to play more than you'd ideally like, make sure the time they spend is as safe as possible. This removes YOUR anxiety.
- Disable all chat completely
- Set age-appropriate content restrictions
- Remove payment methods
- Curate a list of pre-approved games
Direct demands often trigger demand avoidance. Try these indirect approaches:
Direct (triggers):
- "Turn off Roblox now."
- "You need to stop playing."
- "Your screen time is up."
Indirect (helps):
- "I wonder if you're getting hungry..."
- "The dog looks like she needs a walk."
- "I'm making hot chocolate if anyone wants some."
Autonomy is crucial for PDA kids. Give choices where possible:
- "Would you like to finish this game or save at a checkpoint?"
- "Do you want to play 10 more minutes or 15?"
- "After Roblox, would you rather have a snack or go outside?"
Note: Some days even choices don't work. That's okay. You're not failing - you're parenting a child with a different nervous system.
Abrupt endings often trigger meltdowns. Look for natural stopping points:
- End of a game round or match
- After completing a level or objective
- When a friend leaves the server
- After one more trade/purchase/build
When limits need to happen, make it the device's fault, not yours:
- "The iPad ran out of battery" (even if you unplugged it)
- "Roblox is doing maintenance" (router scheduler turned it off)
- "The internet seems to be having problems" (you paused the device)
Yes, this involves some... creative truth-telling. In our house, reducing meltdowns and keeping everyone safe takes priority over absolute honesty about WiFi schedules.
Tools That Help (We Use These)
Visual Timers
Many autistic/PDA kids struggle with time blindness. A visual timer showing time physically disappearing makes transitions less jarring than a sudden alarm. We keep one in the living room.
See Recommended Visual TimersVolume-Limited Headphones
Sensory-friendly headphones with volume limiting protect hearing and create a calmer gaming experience. Especially important for kids who turn things up without realizing it.
See Recommended HeadphonesRouter-Level Scheduling
Set your router to cut off internet to specific devices at certain times. The "bad guy" is the internet, not you. Modern mesh routers (like Eero, Google WiFi) make this easy to set up per device.
See Family-Friendly RoutersRecognizing When It's Not About Gaming
Sometimes intense gaming isn't the problem - it's the symptom. Your child might be using Roblox to cope with:
School overwhelm
Processing a difficult day through escape and predictability
Social anxiety
Avoiding in-person interactions that feel threatening
Sensory overload
Needing controlled stimulation after chaotic environments
Family stress
Escaping tension they can sense but can't articulate
Co-Play: Turn Screen Time Into Connection Time
Instead of fighting against their interest, join it. Playing Roblox together can be genuinely connecting - and it gives you insight into what they love about it.
- • Reduces isolation/validates their interest
- • You learn what games they love and why
- • Creates shared experiences to talk about
- • Natural supervision without surveillance
- • They might voluntarily stop to spend time with you
Let Go of Society's Measuring Stick
Screen time has become society's measure of whether we're doing a "good job" as parents. We're trained to believe that keeping our children within strict boundaries is what helps them reach their highest potential.
But I would argue: sometimes our goal is just to keep them safe and happy in the moment. And the lifelong byproduct of doing so is much more valuable than "I kept him to one hour a day" or "two hours on weekends."
It's vital to be on the same team as parents, and able to adjust. Getting your way and setting a rule for the sake of setting a rule—because it's what works for the majority of kids or what the pediatric society recommends—doesn't necessarily mean it's best for your family.
Sometimes it's better to keep the peace. And honestly? We have no idea—maybe it's better for them too.
Who cares? Sometimes it doesn't matter. And I think that's the point.
Helpful Resources
- "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene
- "Low Demand Parenting" by Amanda Diekman
- "Understanding PDA in Children" by Phil Christie